The Central Voice presents the CCC Survival Guide

Photo Credit: Stephanie Cruz

The Central Voice presents the CCC Survival Guide for all the tips and tricks on how to make it through the jungle that is high school.

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September 5, 2011

Stephanie Cruz, Section Editor

   In many ways, high school can be equated to a mysterious, unpredictable jungle.  However, in place of the skyscraper-high trees, there are beast-like seniors towering over the underclassmen, concrete walls; in place of the damp forest floor, there are stained, brownish carpets; in place of the abundant foliage and canopy of leaves, there are off-white, concrete walls and brown, rectangular roofs; and in place of the vicious, bloodthirsty predators that lurk within the boundaries, there are teenagers that seem equally as vicious and equally as bloodthirsty, ready to pounce on vulnerable freshmen.

   Worry not, dear freshman, for The Central Voice has come to the rescue with a few tips and pointers on surviving the dog-eat-dog world that is high school.  Following these tips does not guarantee survival, but it sure does make it a lot easier.

Find/Build a shelter

   First things first: it is essential to have stable protection from the plethora of things that could potentially attack you.  This shelter is your group of friends.  It is important to discover a group of peers that you can trust and talk to.  What better way is there to whine about your mundane existence than to gossip with your friends?  Join clubs, play sports, be involved.  That’s the only way to encounter other lost travelers.  As well, there is always a safe haven in Mrs. Mary Weber, Front Office Secretary and survivalist extraordinaire.

Beware of danger zones

   As in any jungle, there are many hazardous sites and conditions lead to inevitable peril.  Rainy days especially pose a problem for most students on campus.  As the skies wreak havoc on the campus, dangerous rapids form.  They capture anyone naïve enough to avoid them.  The staircase outside of the Hurley building, for example, becomes a slick and slippery slope.  We advise students to utilize the indoor staircase in order to avoid definite embarrassment and injury.  Similarly, Lake Marauder emerges during storms, flooding the front path to the Larkin building.  Though a pair of Eastlands is typically a durable floating device, it is recommended that students utilize the back pathway to evade drowning.

Stay away from predators

   Avoid being hunted.  Be in uniform, be on good behavior and be on time.  Don’t ever try to lie your way out of it.  Most teachers won’t buy the fact that your shirt has a mind of its own and somehow unbuttoned itself.  Neither will they believe that your alarm didn’t sound whilst you hold a cup of Starbucks in your hand.  If you abide by these simple rules, you will remain undetected by Mrs. Anne Marie Kohutek, Assistant Principal for Student Affairs, able to retreat slowly and avoid any problems.  However, if she does detect your presence and there are signs of aggression, you must accept the consequences.  Most importantly, do not ever try to run.  You can’t outrun Mrs. Kohutek; despite rumors, she will track you down on any terrain.  Our advice is to avoid any variation of this scenario altogether.  Be good, kids.

Signal for help

   Undoubtedly, you’ll experiences some overwhelming difficulties during your time in this jungle.  Oftentimes, teens keep to themselves and try to deal with their problems alone.  However, some situations are not meant to be handled alone.   Never be afraid to signal for help if needed.  Guidance counselors, teachers and parents are there to save you from any disaster—they just need to know when to come to the rescue.  Other students and friends are able to help as well—sometimes even more effectively than adults can.  Your peers are experiencing the same struggle in the wilderness, and chances are there is someone who has dealt with your situation before.  Don’t hesitate to send out an S.O.S.

   With these tips and tricks, your life in the wilderness of high school can become much easier.  CCC’s Survival Guide  was produced by a team of experts on high school survival in any climate, on land and at sea.  Follow these few pointers and you’ll surely make it through the jungle.

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